Saturday, June 6, 2015

So this is the deal...

As per usual, my life is weird, intermittently challenging and intermittently rewarding and always chaotic. It's been a rough go the last few years and I'm tired as hell of not doing exactly what I damn well please. I've decided to make use of this state of chaos and perhaps make the rewarding parts occur more frequently than the challenging parts.  

Over the last month (or months or years), I've moved either closer or further away from you, physically, emotionally or geographyically.  My current situation is a bit challenging right now but I look forward to where I'm headed (or at least feel like I have no choice but to move forward).  

Christeeny recently told me about an article she read about microadventures, committing to smaller, more feasible explorations close to home on even the most inconvenient days.  My schedule has always allowed for me to go big, weeks to months away exploring the world, with few financial concerns.  But my new life has different potential and different barriers.  Which is where Christeeny's article comes into play.

Also, I recently rewatched a short film that I saw at the Banff film festival (thank you, Christa!) and there's a line at the beginning of it that I've been replaying in my head as I come to grief the loss of my 18 days off every month: "I refuse to believe joy costs something...and that dreams can't come true on a Tuesday."

So here's what I'm asking of you, my closest friends, the best guys I know.  I need to microadventure.  I need to spend my inconvenient hours off in the woods, sometimes alone, sometimes with others.  I need to come back to the city and eat delicious Asian food and snuggle sweet babies (Kim Family, ya hear me?).  I need to go on late night adventures on the PCT (Get it, GeorgeGuy!) even if it doesn't make sense.  I need people to explore my new small town and support my decision to do something different, even if it isn't predictable or make sense.  I need to keep learning new things.

So this is the deal.  I might not get back to you or see you as much as I used to.  I might spend more time getting used to my new job and my new home.  And I also might email you and desperately beg you to meet me for trivia on a weeknight at Snoqualmie Pass or a facetime date with your dog (Kiko!!).  I might suggest inconvenient times to hang out, like early morning sunrises or late night drinks.  I would love if everytime you drove over 90 you stopped by my work (Mariah, Jacob and Anna for the win!) and brought me decent food or drink.  And although it might not be a convenient time or like the way it used to be, I might really need a bit of support during this weird time in my life.

XOXOXOXO

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Things I am thankful for...

I just came across this blog post titled "things I am thankful for".  It was empty.  I started it last year in hopes that I could come up with a few things to remind me of how great life can be.  Apparantly it was harder than I thought and I put it to rest... and I'm not sure I have a lot to add at this point either.  Things aren't easier.  In fact, somedays are just hard.

But one thing that's for certain...
1.) I have a few really lovely people in my life that I could never, ever live without.  And the best brother, sister-in-law and nephew in the whole universe.  And for that I am forever thankful.




One of my best gals sent me an email recently when I was having a rough go.  The subject line was "things I am interested in more than a number" referencing me being bummed after a run-in with her scale.  It was a list of 21 things that she found interesting about my life.  Even on the longest days and the hardest nights and when I am my very worst person...I'm still quite interesting.  So here's to being not just thankful for others but for being thankful for our own traits that carry us through during the darkest days.  Here's to being interesting. 




Saturday, April 20, 2013

What's not stressful...

I just spent the last 2 weeks in Vietnam and Malaysia. I have 2 more weeks of travel ahead of me. I'm traveling alone which I've done before but not for this long...and not during such a tumultuous time in my life.  The last 6 months have proved to be nearly impossible allowing me to see these 4 weeks in a bit of a different light.
Sometimes travel is challenging and frustrating. And sometimes it is filled with laughter, adventure and reading lots and lots of books. And sometimes it is filled with diarrhea, sweat, mosquitoe bites and heat rash. This trip is a bit of a hodge podge of all of these things. I'm physically alone right now in Asia and about to be on an island with no internet or phones.  I live alone. I felt alone when I booked my ticket despite being at home, sitting on the couch with some of my closest friends. And for last 6 months, I have worried that I would feel alone forever despite having a somewhat thriving social life and supportive community.
But travel often forces you to face some of your biggest fears...and something lovely occurred to me in the last 24 hours. I met a gal from Prague who is traveling alone for one year. She told me about how leaving home really helped her realize what she valued. And how she met a gal traveling who she believes will be one of her closest friends in the future. She described her the way someone describes someone they love.  She described her like a partner, a significant other, a lover. She smiled when she spoke of her new found friend. In fact, she glowed.  Prague gal knows what's up.
Love and companionship come in so many forms.  Not just in one person. And not just in one relationship. Friends are so lovely to love.
I will never be alone. Even when I'm in Asia and I can't communicate with anyone. Or when I'm sitting in an airport waiting for my next adventure. Or when I'm at home watching the ferries go back and forth. Or when I'm on a trail in the middle of the cascades with not a human in sight. There are people in my life who bring me presents to work on Christmas, feed me wine with a straw when I'm crying too hard to sit up and drink, email me everyday with life updates when I travel, hold my hand in the backseat of the car, know what snacks I need on road trips, listen to me life plan over coffee, pack my work lunch and meet me at the silverfork when I need them the most.
I'm not alone. I'm never alone. I carry bits and pieces of everyone I have ever met with me. I carry experiences and memories of importance that I will never lose. I'm in love with so many people. I'm in love with so many experiences. I'm in love with my community. I'm almost in love with myself...just give me a few more months.